Why Do I Hate Myself?

Why? Why, do I fall for it every time.

So I think I'm doing something nice, right? I was looking through the Craig's List ads and I came across an Office Manager position with the Arthur Murray Dance Studio in Hayward. I thought wow that might be a great position for me. I have the experience and I've been a student there. However, It was only part time. So, I was about to discard it until I remembered that Elise was looking for work too. I gave here a call and told her about it. "Oh my god, really? That sounds awesome!"

".... and you can tell them, 'Hey, I'm really qualified for this position, and, oh yeah, I used to be a student.'"

"I can walk to work. You're great! So, I'm going to go and walk down to Copymat, print off a resume and walk it over there myself."

Good feelings all around. I'm great and she's excited about a possible job. I go about my day, I run to the library, go to Blockbuster, and run some other errands... I start thinking to myself, they probably won't accept her resume, most places want you to email them. In fact that's what the ad said to do. But, what do I know, right?

Sure enough, I get a call from Elise. "So, I walked my resume over and the receptionist behind the counter says, 'oh... I can take your resume, but what they really want is an email.' Which makes no kind of sense to me. I mean why would prefer email to some who was actually inperson? So I was wondering if you could come over, bring your laptop and we can write a cover letter because I don't have one. She wanted one, and I don't know why, because in my experience most employers don't want a cover letter. Then after, we can email the whole thing."

"Can you come over here?"

"Well... my car isn't working right?"

"Uh.... I guess, yeah, sure, of course."

"Okay, I'll see you around eight?"

"Sure."

"Bye"

"Bye"

This is where I get in trouble. Her car is fine for driving over here. Well not fine, it's a POS! But she has no problem taking it to Rosemary's and Carlos' apartment, just down the street from me. I start mulling it over in my mind, getting more and more resentful. I just did some running around, I rented videos, I got candy bars for a quiet evening at home, on my day off, and now I have to run over there and with my laptop, just so she can send a quick email. Why can't she go down to Copymat? Don't ask.

I call her back, "You know what Elise? I've been running around today, can we do this tomorrow?"

"Yes" Totally dejected, pissed off, disappointed.

"I'm sorry, but I really appreciate it."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye"

Now she's pissed off at me, and I'm left here at home with all this guilt, and that's exactly how she wants me to feel. This is Elise we are dealing with, I know how she is.... So, again, I ask, why do I continue this cycle? Why do I hate myself?