Electric Dreams

I just bought a computer!

I don't have the money, so I borrowed it.

It was just time, you know? I've been saying for years now, that I'll buy one soon, but haven't. Until now!

Scared, doesn’t even begin to describe my current feelings. It's funny, don't ask me why, but I feel like I did after I purchased my car. Utter terror, combined with hysteria, and a splash of giddiness.

Will I be able to pay this off in a reasonable amount of time? Can afford the internet costs? Have I shot myself in the foot? What the hell am I doing?

I'll be able to finally get back to writing, "for real". Whatever that means. I think I'll just have a lot more freedom, and convenience. This is a terribly good thing. You know, if I didn't do it now, I was never going to do it.

There, problem solved.

It would help if I wasn’t so anxiety ridden already. I hadn't been sleeping up until recently. Carrie said that sometimes after a stressful situation, (ie: a make-or-break final) is when your anxiety symptoms can rear their ugly heads. In my case, it's my insomnia. Which, I've battled since adolescence. It shows up once in great while now-a-days. So what I did was take a Benadryl to help me get back on schedule. It worked for a couple nights. Then I ran out. A couple days ago I bought Tylenol sleeping pills. It worked! For the past two nights, it's been nighty-night for me.

Melissa suggested Valerian Root. She said it's more natural and that it should get me back to my natural rhythms. I may try that during the next bought of sleeplessness.

I hate it when I'm not sleeping. Everything is so gray. People are boring, life is weary. And, everything seems to be a copy, of a copy, of a copy.

When I woke up from my first night of full sleep, I was so hyper. Full of energy I went on a hike, I ran errands, I got lots of work done. It was freakin' awesome!

I've come off my rested high, and now I'm looking forward to my new computer. Due: June, 20th. Oh la la!