Last night during rehearsal I was feeling terrible. My short tiny, nothing of a scene doesn't come on until the third act, so I get there early to practice. We get started late and the first act doesn't end until 10:00 pm! Wendy, the director, decides everyone can go home. I stood up immediately, "Uh, I'd like to run my scene!"
"Dr. Purgon the Imaginary Invalid"
I feel like since my part is so small it's considered meaningless.... That's not true. I'm just feeling meaningless.
This whole acting thing ... I haven't acted in a play in over 3 years. Someone asked me last week, "So, did you miss it?"
And the only response I could think of ... no. I searched my feelings and when I'm there, I've never thought, "Wow! I've missed this. I can't believe I've lived without this for so long."
Maybe that will come on opening night. I haven't ruled that out. It's just been really tedious and a little unfulfilling. I don't feel very good at it, acting that is, and I don't feel like there's any depth in this process. Maybe it's just this process, here at Las Positas. Maybe it's the Wendy Wisley process that I'm not in to. Or maybe not. Maybe it's just the whole theater thing. What is the greater good here? What are we doing this for? I'm so disenchanted. Do I go through this every time I'm in a play, and just can't remember? Agh!
I feel like the "show" has taken' over my life. It's in my mind all the time now. I even caught myself reciting my lines in the shower the other day, unconsciously! What's that about? I have other things to do; like look for a second job, make a doctors appointment for the weird tumor on my arm, write poetry in my journal!
I just want to make a difference in the world. Is that too beauty-queen-pageant-y?
Friday, July 21, 2006
Theater? Again?
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1 comment:
-You do a damned good impression of the picture of Dr. Purgon.
-I think it's a good sign that "the show has taken over" your life. That shows that you've taken it in you to be a part of you.
-I already said this to you, but I think you're not getting what you need. You're a good actor, don't let a poopy process get you down. And like you said, you're trying to not to make any harsh judgements until you get up there in the lights.
-I love you
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